Judd's paradox

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How to begin (the begin) again? Even after a temporary break, only a month you know, it feels like a rebirth needs to occur here. For that caffeinated kickstart, to stretch the creative boundaries, you need the right tools to do the job; 'moisten the grounds', as Zorg's sleazy employer reminds him, whilst staring at his... I suppose it is a tried and tested formula, for this place I think of as 'home', once again. It starts with a photograph - the image, in fact, is more important than you might care to think - then the words will flow, as they do and, well, the music fits into the dovetail that was made 'just so' for it. But, in truth, there is no order to it - not at all; I just like to pretend there is. So I feel some control, I suppose, a structure to the chaos. My mind is intact and functioning. No, really. It is. There is always the music when hopelessness runs deep: it cascades and shoots through these explored regions like blood, for the likes of you and me. And him. But, I'm afraid, I cannot even begin to explain in this unlikely forum how utterly schizophrenic a month August was for me, as well as those surrounding the life I have come to lead these last few years now; on the one hand it was a time of genuine horror, fear and heartache, and yet, from another perspective, it was also a time of beauty, closeness and love. It was all felt, often at the same time. But, it's about moving on, really, and trying to start again; new beginnings, of a kind. Indeed yes, a fresh agenda will need to find its place; a non-virtual reboot, an appreciation of the roots of life itself ('baraka', meaning a blessing). And so, with this somehow in mind, I am hoping September will be a month of steady nerves, comradeship and, of course, wonderful music. Time will tell, I guess. In the meantime, I do hope some of you might stick around, and bear with me as I return to what I might be, what I should become now, with another mask fallen and stripped away, with a Goffman smile to keep us all company. Adieu.

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Michael Storey - 'Another Country' (opening credits) (3.12)

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It seems you can't purchase the soundtrack anymore, if you ever could, but you can at least read the play (by Julian Mitchell) and then, well fuck yes, watch the film. You should really purchase a DVD copy though; it's my absolute favourite piece of cinema, like ever, although this one always gives it a close run. Sigh. Betty. :(

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