Wednesday 22 June 2011

This is the last stop, the emptiest platform






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'What I could have done is what I should have done', as Keris laments. And, to a point, this was practiced and preached, it really was. We all did it. There have been some sterling individual and collective efforts over the last month or so. And yet, despite the blood, sweat and tears (shed whilst we marked exam papers and attended exam boards) the consultation proposals across all four subject areas remain solidly unchanged in both form and substance, but just slightly more condescending in their tone, presentation and delivery. And so, later today, Senate decides our fate at 2pm. What will come next I wonder? Job interview hair cuts, CV updates and a new suit from Ebay? Another move, another train, somewhere South, most likely. Everybody leaving. Or staying. Who the fuck knows, really. This does now feel like the end of something though, even if certain things might remain in place (a technical aside: Sociology has a wee 'hook' of 'reconfiguration' into a Social Policy 'pathway', but we still don't really know what this means and whether or not it leads, directly or indirectly, to a salary, a P45 or whatever else). I think what has vanished, you know, weeks ago, is the spirit and feeling - it has drifted, the willingness; an attachment to an institution, a set of people, you wanted to believe in. As a colleague from another subject area wrote to me yesterday, when news got out: 'Aye Colin. The truth is that I am so disgusted with them that I didn't dare come in today.... because I knew I would let fly. If I could find any of them, that is. I've done it before - let fly - and, you'll never guess, it doesn't turn them into better people, doesn't make me a better person - it just gives them ammunition against you, confirms me as an equal part of their pathology , who'd have thought it? Cunts.' For context, the person was writing about his School colleagues who chose not to put their name to a Trade Union Senate motion calling for an extension to the consultation period and a withdrawal of the proposals, as they are currently configured. I don't think I can add more to this sentiment, except to say I was very glad to read it. Thanks J. But, in closing, and being optimistic old (very old) me, in a Voxtrot way, I should say that this is also, perhaps, the start of something as well. A new adventure into uncertainty, one that is rather tense and unsure, yes indeed. But I cannot deny it: I can't help but feel (almost) slightly excited about all this, a tingle or two. Is that strange? Yes, it is all rather vulnerable, nervous and unsure, absolutely, at the thought of the very worst possible outcomes possibly occuring.... but, I mean, an uncertain adventure is still an adventure, right? That has to count for something. It's the silver lining I'm holding onto, anyway. There has to be something to hold onto, someone...
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Harper Lee - 'Train not stopping' (4.13)
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A fast train, and a slow coach... with a book's hidden author. And this as a soundtrack, of sorts.
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9 comments:

  1. The process has been an adventure in itself.... Seeing sides of people I never thought I'd see, it's been a privilege, whatever the outcome will be. I realised last night that the most painful thing (for me) is seeing these people who have taken me under their collective wing, accepted me as a member of the team (even though I'm just taking my first baby steps into being a 'real' academic), who've made me feel valued and part of something, being treated by management as if they're worse than worthless, a liability.

    We all want to believe in something, but the 'powers that be' seem compelled to strip all that away, making space for nothing but pragmatic cynicism. Well, my protest is that I will KEEP believing in something, keep believing in the people and the work, even if they say we're worthless - ESPECIALLY if they say we're worthless. And as for the next adventure, bring it on! :-)

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  2. Sorry to hear that there is no change after the consultation but I'm not surprised. Our consultation ends next week and we don't expect anything new to come out of it.

    I know what you mean about it feeling like the end of something that is exactly how we all feel as well and in our case the ones going for the mostpart feel as they have gotten the better part of the deal as the prospects for those of us left is nil.

    I fucking hate management!

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  3. 'Consultation' is a much abused word, as 'Consultant' is a much abused role (although rightly, that time). I'm sorry. Without suggesting that it makes it okay, I would agree about the 'start of something' thing as well - there is a world elsewhere.

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  4. Ah, sorry to hear. You're right to kindle that excitement. Roll your eyes at 'That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger' and then keep reaching forward.

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  5. Hope it works out for you Colin.

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  6. On the day that my worst possible outcome happened, I was offered the opportunity to pursue the biggest dream of my life. It's cliched, but one door closes and all that... Good luck!

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  7. So sorry to hear. Fate and all that as they say. There is a Reason. As for the good bits, the mug made me smile, and the one pic could've been a scrapped back cover to BBoy's React or Die! But don't cut yours!
    E.

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  8. MDG: That sounds like the best response possible to the cynicism - optimism with a big smile. :) And yes, new adventures are the way ahead, I think. Charting new destinations, with a melody in your head.

    Drew: Aye, we all knew from the start it was a sham, an exercise. However, we thought there might be small concessions, at least. But no, nothing. If anything, as I said, the revised document was slightly more stinging and brutal. I hope things at your place work out, as you want them to.

    Adam: Without wanting to offend any consultants or consultancies who work on behalf of Things I Like, I am beginning to have the same kind of feelings about consultancy that Bill Hicks felt about marketing. It's a struggle. But, yes, the future is a wonderful journey. Something good will happen.

    Thanks Tricia, Davy and Niki... forwards is the only way, really. It's that or down into the Clyde! Hopefully, armed with a brushed-up CV, something will come along. I'm really not certain I want to hang about to find out what this 'reconfiguration' will actually entail. It sounds painful, that's all.

    Esther: Erm.... that is actually my hair, sitting painfully on the floor of the barber's shop on King St. Sorry! It's a new start, in so many ways. I needed to start again, like the Teenage Fanclub song. :)

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  9. Sometimes the worst things are the best things that could happen, as it turns out later. I have found. Sometimes. I so so hope that's true for you xxxx

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