Tuesday, 9 November 2010
Tears of sadness for you
Serious. I always say I'll never fucking watch it again, and then... I just do. It's something about this brief moment, in particular, and this awful, wonderful, song. It's a car journey from the North, heading South, expecting great things, full of hope. But also deep in thought, in isolation. Knowing something has to give. Head against window. Pensive. These few black and white moments, surreal and cinematic, just keep me coming back for more. And more. I do know it's just a film, a 'moving picture thingy', an act of essentialised and contrived fiction, but I really do think he knows, at this exact moment, that it's all fucking over. And I'm not ashamed to say it makes me cry, and then chain-smoke ten cigarattes on the outside steps, every single time I force myself to watch it. Sometimes you just need to do these things. To remind yourself you are alive. You have agency.
Joy Division - 'Insight' (Peel Session) (3.56)
This is just me, in a very twisted sense, remembering the 15th of February, 2008. The day I bought the DVD at HMV. A day of change, of realisation. You, also, can torture yourself, just a wee bit, by watching the relevant clip over here. Jeezo. It's thirty years ago now. Hell.